that's an acceptable place to lick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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