nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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