No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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