My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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