can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Terrible idea I love it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
