He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I want a musical about memes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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