just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
