I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
