My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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