Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My vagina is very pro this idea
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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