I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
