there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My liver just had a heart attack.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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