i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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