Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Drake has all the answers
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
