Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
