And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
