Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
