so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
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She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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