he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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