FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
