so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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