I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish my penis had an off switch
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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