batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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