About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
