He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
