Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
