we're chasing vodka with high fives
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
