He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
