He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
