I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
