Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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