i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
