and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
