the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
