my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
