what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
