do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
