Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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