If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
