Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
