So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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