the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
