Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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