If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
