My hand turned me down
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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