Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
