Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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