so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
