dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think i have herpe
just one?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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