I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
