I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
