i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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