i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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