I want to stick my p in your. b.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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