The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize