I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How does one acquire holy water?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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