the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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