you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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