Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
