Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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