@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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